…bye bye, Jon. You will won’t be missed. I won’t have you as a personal punching bag anymore, but I still don’t think you’re any good.

Chicago, IL —
Veteran goalkeeper Jon Conway retired Tuesday, ending his 12-year Major League Soccer career.

Conway made 88 appearances, including 85 starts, during his career. He had 23 shutouts. (Chicago Tribune)

(Photo by Chris Gardner/Getty Images North America)

…he still won’t warm up by our corner of the field. The last home match, he just sat on the bench.

I pay good money to just randomly yell at backups, he could at LEAST come acknowledge the folks who hate him most.

If I was ever granted to do much more than ruin Jon Conway’s life (note: I am referring to the third result on Google being this very site, not like I actually did anything to the guy, like put Androstendione or Boldenone in his wheatgrass), I think I would do the above. Not sure how I would pull that off, but it would be worth it.

Mark your calendars, IHJC fans. Conway and the Chicago Fire will be back in town on August 13th. Get your tickets now! We’ve got Metro Playoff Fever!

There was a “Con Man” sighting in Toronto today as Jon Conway got the nod in goal versus the Columbus Crew. I guess he played well (frankly, I can’t be bothered to watch more than highlights of him failing), but he does manage to get a red card for a stupid retaliation. Sure, he was fouled on a flighted ball, but attacking any player like he did (especially when he probably outweighs the dude by like 80 pounds), is just dangerous and shows that this cockrocket is STILL only about himself. Never mind that his backup ended up conceding a really weak goal at the end of the match because of that, right Jon?

What a douche.

Photo: Getty Images via MLS

It’s tough watching the team struggle like they are. I used to find a way to blame Jon Conway, but right now, we’re very offensively stagnant and/or unlucky. Despite having the majority of possession, we aren’t attacking very well and are allowing the opposing teams to fall back into a defensive shell. It’s ugly footie, frankly. Last night’s 3-1 loss only highlights exactly what is wrong with the team: without creative people feeding Angel the ball (Lindpere and Nielsen were both out) we are pretty much a “bang it long and hope someone flicks it on goal” sort of team.

That or we flick it in. Like Salou or, last night, Tony Tchani.

Can Dane develop a “football mind?” I have no idea. Where’s Jozy when you need him? Thierry Henry might help, but the worst result from last night should have been a draw. That we also BLED three goals defensively (one 5 minutes after “Team Glidden” first scored and the clincher just after we had pulled one back), shows how little composure we have defensively. That’s not a skill issue. Someone needs to step up.

Evidently, the “Con-man” is in Toronto now. Can’t wait ’til he has to take goal kicks at Red Bull Arena

This guy’s life = better than yours, Jon Conway. Also, I know you’re mad and probably found your way into a suit of “Hans Backe” skin, but letting go of Danny Cepero like that was bogus. Oh well.

That being said, enjoy that rad clip of “world renowned freerunner Ryan Doyle” treating RBA as his own personal playground.

Have a good, safe holiday – Happy Thanksgiving!

Man, what a great day. Soccer by Ives just wrote the sweetest 4 words I have ever read: RBNY “waived goalkeeper Jon Conway”. I am BEYOND ecstatic that this happened at all; that it took this long is scary, but with with “Duckman’s” departure last week, as long as we don’t spend cash on any major, overpriced acquisitions (read: Khano/Rojas), we are finally headed in the correct direction. The last two-three seasons have been very difficult for this RBNY/Metro fan as my (now-)wife and I made the season ticket splurge two years ago and got to witness not only last season’s amazing playoff run, but this year’s epic collapse as well.

Yes, the chips seem down, don’t they? Who cares? 9 months ago when we launched, most people told me I was just bitter and crazy and that no one would EVER agree with me. Well, RBNY let the bum go and I kinda proved that I was right all along. While I don’t welcome the bad karma of wishing another man out of a job, I have a feeling he’ll probably con his way into another gig soon enough (and if the NJ-area player ends up in Philly and plays a role in hurting us, I will FREAK). He wasn’t the team’s only problem, but he was a big one.

I heart you, RBNY. Agoos is next.

Yeah, O-SORRY-O and JC gotta go. No wings being played against a team that attacks on the wing (Colorado)? Two crosses played to the far post (at the far post!) that are headed in for goals?

I know playing for Red Bull must be terrible, but if Erik Stover thinks JCO deserves a chance to right this ship, he’s sadly mistaken. We are BAAAAAAAAAAAAD and if you wonder why only 10K people managed to show up to watch this terrible game, you are effing really clueless.