This guy’s life = better than yours, Jon Conway. Also, I know you’re mad and probably found your way into a suit of “Hans Backe” skin, but letting go of Danny Cepero like that was bogus. Oh well.

That being said, enjoy that rad clip of “world renowned freerunner Ryan Doyle” treating RBA as his own personal playground.

I won’t sit here and say that I haven’t lost my cool during a soccer match before (that would be a total lie), but there’s no excuse for this level of aggression. In this clip, Arlington Shirley of North West Rankin High (Ms) is just pummeled (and not in a good way at all) by Zach Windom of Gulfport High (Ms).

I feel bad for Zach’s teammates as they really were impacted by his bad choice and he should, really, be forced to the sidelines for the rest of the year. You just can’t do stuff like that, if you let it happen in sports under the guise of “aggression,” you’re sugar coating some serious anger issues. They’re right there to see.

Zach, man, you’re bigger than the kid, you’re probably stronger than the kid and you had to punk him out like that. It’s a contact sport, dude, and his contact (from what I can see in this clip) was all legal. It would have taken you far less time and energy to just walk away, but now this will probably cost you a lot. I just hope you learn from this and move on.

Well, that’s hilarious. Seriously, that ball took a hop worse than RBNY’s Danny Cepero’s, so I really think we can stop focusing on this “once in a lifetime” thing. Poor keeper, though.

Yeah, I am going to watch the World Cup in 3D, I think. From my home. Where I don’t fear BEING KILLED. [Image via Dirty Tackle]

Sounds preposterous, right? Well, you would be dead wrong.

German goalie Jens Lehman really needed a potty break during Stuttgart’s Champions League match with Unirea Urziceni on Wednesday night.

So he ducked behind some advertising boards and went to the bathroom right in the middle of the match, which they won 3-1. [via]

Guess you could say that they opponents scared the piss out him. Hahahahahah ha.

…

I had to do that once, but it was in college and there were no boards. Embarrassing story.

The World Cup 2010 Match Ball, the Jabulani. Best part about this one: the only way that Jon Conway ever gets his hands on one is to purchase it.

Eff that guy.

Translated literally, “JABULANI” means “to celebrate.” I will be celebrating our awesome World Cup draw tonight, that’s for sure.

Press release and quotes from Kaka, Frank Lampard and more “after the jump”

Cape Town / Herzogenaurach (December 4, 2009) – adidas and FIFA present the adidas “JABULANI,” the Official Match Ball for the 2010 FIFA World Cup South Africa. The “JABULANI,” which means “to celebrate” in isiZulu, features a South African inspired design and radically new technology. The new match ball will be available in stores starting December 4.

The newly developed “Grip’n’Groove” ball technology provides an exceptionally stable flight and perfect grip under all conditions. With only eight, thermally bonded 3-D panels, which are spherically molded for the first time, the ball is perfectly round and more accurate than ever before.

The Name:

The name ”JABULANI” originates from the Bantu language isiZulu, one of the eleven official languages of the Republic of South Africa, and spoken by almost 25% of the population. Translated literally, “JABULANI” means “to celebrate.” The name of the new match ball appropriately pays tribute to the passionate football celebration international fans will enjoy in South Africa next summer.

The Design:

Eleven different colors are used in the adidas “JABULANI,” the eleventh adidas World Cup ball. These 11 colors represent the 11 players in every team, the 11 official languages of South Africa and the 11 South African tribes that make the country one of the most ethnologically diverse countries on the African continent. The colorful design brings together the tremendous diversity of the country in harmonious unity. Four triangle-shaped design elements on a white background lend the ball a unique appearance in African spirit. Like the outer facade of Johannesburg’s Soccer City Stadium, individual design elements capture the colorfulness of South Africa.

3-D Panel Shapes:

The Match Ball for the 2010 FIFA World Cup features a completely new, ground-breaking technology. Eight 3-D spherically formed EVA and TPU panels are molded together, harmoniously enveloping the inner carcass. The result is an energetic unit combined with perfect roundness. Following the first tests, players all over the world are enthusiastic about the new ball:

Michael Ballack: “Fantastic, the ball does exactly what I want it to.”

Petr Cech: “You can feel the energy coming towards you, like a shot.”

Frank Lampard: “A very strong ball, true to hit.”

Kaká: “For me, contact with the ball is all-important, and that’s just great with this ball.”

Grip’n’Groove Profile

Aero grooves:

Aero grooves create the clearly visible profile on the ball’s surface. The Grip’n’Groove profile circles the entire ball in an optimal aerodynamic way. The integrated grooves provide unmatched flight characteristics, making this the most stable and most accurate adidas ball ever. The ground-breaking performance of the adidas “JABULANI” has been confirmed in comprehensive comparison tests at Loughborough University in England and countless checks in the wind tunnel and the adidas football laboratory in Scheinfeld, Germany.

Grip:

The new match ball’s surface has been given a facelift since the introduction of the “goose bumps” for the last European Championship ball. The “JABULANI” has a futuristic texture with a more extensive grip, giving players full control of the ball under all weather conditions.

adidas involves world-class athletes in the development and testing of its products. For the adidas “JABULANI,” adidas partnered with AC Milan, FC Bayern München, the Orlando Pirates and Ajax Cape Town.

In the future, adidas will continue to use innovative technology to extend its world-leading position in football production and thus strengthen its position as the authentic symbol of high-performance sporting goods for professionals and amateurs alike. adidas also intends to unveil more revolutionary innovations in match ball production for future UEFA, FIFA and CAF competitions. The adidas innovation team (aIT) is already working on innovations for the 2014 FIFA World Cup Brazil [via The Original Winger]

If I didn’t know it better, I would think that there was NO global recession. Today, FIFA announced the amount that the World Cup winner’s home federation as the top prize in next summer’s WC: $30 million.

Jeebus effing eff. Giving away a total of $54 million for the WC final (as the runner-up will be receiving $24 million) in a nation that is pretty well decimated by poverty is just plain gross. There’s just no better way to say it.

“Soccer’s World Cup organizers said prize money for next year’s edition in South Africa is being raised by 61 percent from the last tournament, to $420 million.

World soccer’s governing body FIFA revealed the figures after an executive committee meeting on Robben Island, off the coast of South Africa.” [The Original Winger]

Have a good, safe holiday – Happy Thanksgiving!

Photo Credit: Seth Binsted/The Breeze

In today’s MLS Expansion draft, we expected to see Amado Guevara, Frankie Hejduk or Eddie Robinson taken to help coach Peter/Piotr Nowak build the nucleus of what should be a pretty decent team in Philly next year. Instead, we saw a good, scrappy bunch of kids (including RBNY’s Nick Zimmerman) leaving their digs for “greener” pastures in Philadelphia.

There were no superstars taken, no former league MVPs. No players with U.S. national team caps, or players with multiple all-star appearances, or even players with ties to the Philadelphia area. When the final list of players chosen by the Philadelphia Union was announced, we were treated to a group of MLS players who could make up the type of tough and tenacious team that Nowak likes, and Philadelphia fans will want to root for. [SBI]

The fact that Zimmerman was left exposed (eff you Jeff Agoos!) makes me very, very angry. The new sporting director is on his way (believe me, it’s no damn secret who it is!) but we couldn’t find a way to hang on to a kid that had proven that he got it. We didn’t let Sassano or Sinisa go for similar reasons and dammit, I wanted Nick around. Now that $5 thing I bought off that kid in the Giants Stadium parking lot isn’t worth $h!t.

Ugh.

On top of needing a new hairstylist (wtf was up with this mane???), David Beckham needs a new “puffer”. That’s what little kids call inhalers, isn’t it? Any way, David and the LA Galaxy lost the MLS Cup Championship last night to Real Salt Lake on penalty kicks, the first time in league history.

14 years of long ball and boring soccer from the likes of Bruce Arena, the New England Revs and DC Scum and it’s taken this long for a penalty shootout for the title?

Yikes. Color me shocked.