This guy’s life = better than yours, Jon Conway. Also, I know you’re mad and probably found your way into a suit of “Hans Backe” skin, but letting go of Danny Cepero like that was bogus. Oh well.

That being said, enjoy that rad clip of “world renowned freerunner Ryan Doyle” treating RBA as his own personal playground.

On top of needing a new hairstylist (wtf was up with this mane???), David Beckham needs a new “puffer”. That’s what little kids call inhalers, isn’t it? Any way, David and the LA Galaxy lost the MLS Cup Championship last night to Real Salt Lake on penalty kicks, the first time in league history.

14 years of long ball and boring soccer from the likes of Bruce Arena, the New England Revs and DC Scum and it’s taken this long for a penalty shootout for the title?

Yikes. Color me shocked.

Man, what a great day. Soccer by Ives just wrote the sweetest 4 words I have ever read: RBNY “waived goalkeeper Jon Conway”. I am BEYOND ecstatic that this happened at all; that it took this long is scary, but with with “Duckman’s” departure last week, as long as we don’t spend cash on any major, overpriced acquisitions (read: Khano/Rojas), we are finally headed in the correct direction. The last two-three seasons have been very difficult for this RBNY/Metro fan as my (now-)wife and I made the season ticket splurge two years ago and got to witness not only last season’s amazing playoff run, but this year’s epic collapse as well.

Yes, the chips seem down, don’t they? Who cares? 9 months ago when we launched, most people told me I was just bitter and crazy and that no one would EVER agree with me. Well, RBNY let the bum go and I kinda proved that I was right all along. While I don’t welcome the bad karma of wishing another man out of a job, I have a feeling he’ll probably con his way into another gig soon enough (and if the NJ-area player ends up in Philly and plays a role in hurting us, I will FREAK). He wasn’t the team’s only problem, but he was a big one.

I heart you, RBNY. Agoos is next.

Yeah, O-SORRY-O and JC gotta go. No wings being played against a team that attacks on the wing (Colorado)? Two crosses played to the far post (at the far post!) that are headed in for goals?

I know playing for Red Bull must be terrible, but if Erik Stover thinks JCO deserves a chance to right this ship, he’s sadly mistaken. We are BAAAAAAAAAAAAD and if you wonder why only 10K people managed to show up to watch this terrible game, you are effing really clueless.

With a 4-1 win over SJ, RBNY are officially NOT the worst team in MLS. Hooray!

A Red Bulls team that scored a league-low five goals in 720 minutes scorched the net four times in 40 minutes. Jorge Rojas scored his first two MLS goals inside of 20 minutes. Juan Pablo Angel added a third in the 22nd minute and Mac Kandji made it 4-0 five minutes from halftime. [Soccer By Ives]

I’d like to think that my bout of “not-the-Swine Flu” totally influenced the “God of Influenza H1N1″ to knock Conway out for the game. The above screen shot, which was(n’t) taken from the game feed, shows that I was right. Don’t touch him, Albert, it looks like someone’s got “the swine”!

Last night’s attendance = 8,508?

I wasn’t excited for Conway’s return either.

After his 10 game suspension for failing a performance enhancing drug test and his seeming inability to address that same important issue a la Mark McGwire, the not-so-lovable Jon Conway returned to RBNY to collect a 2-0 win last night.

Ugh.

For the uninitiated, on a direct kick in the 89th minute he set a wall incorrectly and that almost resulted in a near post goal (it was def. his fault). After misplaying a breakaway, the ball hit his knees (not his hands or body like the proper technique would have created) and almost soared into his own goal (thanks to Goldy for the flying save), he gets “credit” for having played well. I don’t understand how fans can overanalyze the release points of pitchers or quarterbacks, but people STILL don’t get that there is more to goalkeeping than stopping the occasional shot.

Jon Conway is a good shot stopper. That’s really it. He’s a terrible game manager, he’s lousy with distributions/counter attack (less distance and, more importantly, accuracy, than Cepero), he makes dumb decisions and just when people start to see that gathering a cross in the air prevents a shot from even happening (which is WAY safer than allowing a point blank header or volley) this guy lucks into a start and ends up with a shutout due to Danny’s injury last week?

What’s he got on JCO and Des, cuz Cepero was suited up and on the bench last night.

Don’t get me wrong, I love RBNY/Metro, I always have and probably always will. I just know that RBNY was thisfar from making the playoffs with Capt. “Won’t Talk About My Suspension” and a younger, albeit greener keeper lead us to the Cup Finals with big saves and by managing the game well.

Coincidence?

No.

Sucks to be that kid. At least they got another throw-in out of it.