We’ve all been there but don’t like to admit it. We’ve all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, I have to add my own entry to this piece: THE JON CONWAY!

JON CONWAY – You enter the bathroom to poop and everything goes as planned. Despite last night’s heavy drinking and 8 lbs. of nachos, you’re coming out on top. Bonus: there’s no smell. This is a glorious occasion, a reason for celebration. You’ve reached the peak of pooping fame. A simple flush, and this one is in the bag.

As you stand at the sink, washing your hands, ready to leave the bathroom, you violently poop your pants. You poop your suit. You poop in your own hair and mouth. Poop is everywhere. You completely ruin your suit.

At this very moment, everyone you know (friends, co-workers, your parents and teachers from childhood, maybe a pet or two), stumbles into the bathroom to see you completely covered in your own waste.

You thought you were safe. You thought it was easy. You just Jon Conway-ed.